A letter I may never send . . .

The following letter has been swirling through my mind constantly for the past 24 hours. I have written it at least 5 times mentally and so I decided to put it down on 'paper', though I am hesitant to send it. Who am I to critique a pastor? What do I know of his heart, struggles or intentions? However, it is again something that rings so true I must somehow cry out.

Dear Pastor,

Your sermon Sunday moved me deeply. Your vulnerable confession to the church concerning your own personal financial commitment to the Great Investment especially stirred my heart. It grieved me to hear my own pastor apparently struggle with guilt, with what I believe you described as a haunting thought or feeling, that though you worked to give 40% of you income, still you feel that you did not have a totally pure heart before God, that you looked out for your own first. I appreciate and admire how honestly you shared with the congregation. I see that through the challenges of this year, you have been sincerely endeavoring to lead your flock as Nehimiah, getting dirty with the troops, leading by example, not considering yourself above the rest. The pressures of the Great Investment financial shortfall, as well as a turning point in the growth and direction of the church must have you and the elder board stretched and weary.

In truth, that is why I write you; To encourage you. My husband and I have observed the incredible focus the church has had as we strive to finish well what we had begun. With all the focus on leadership and commitment, which are good and wonderful, godly goals, there seems to be missing an element of grace, divine grace which there is no room for in the endeavors of a corporation, but which proves essential in the endeavors of His church. So I write to hopefully give you a breath of grace amidst all the pressures and focus of this season in our church.

You spoke Sunday of the widow's mite. How powerfully you described the total, radical offering she brought to the Lord! What a standard of giving the Lord has! I was reminded of the sermon on the mount. Religious men of the day, such as the pharisees and that famous rich young ruler, sought to keep the law of God. The law of God was a list, a lengthy, difficult list, of rules and standards for right living. In seeking righteousness, don't we all so easily make for ourselves religious lists that we believe, if we work hard enough, we can complete and feel satisfied as "good" Christians! However Christ came and raised the bar! He said, you think you have kept the law and are justified, because you have not killed another? I say that if you think hatred against your brother even once for a second, you have murdered him! You think you have not committed adultery, because you have not touched another? I say, if you have a flash of lust in your heart for another you have committed adultery! Christ showed us that the standards of God are impossible! The standard of the law does drive us to despair, for if we are honest with ourselves and we know that we can in no way possibly attain it.

So it is with the widow's mite. Christ says, you think that you have kept the law and pleased God because you have given 10% or because you have rung the trumpets with your extra? I say, you must give all that you have and consider it rubbish to meet God standard. All you have is His? How can you withhold any? An impossible standard. And the rich young ruler went away sad. And many Christians despair trying to meet the standard because the standard is right and because we want to please God.

So in your sermon, I was moved with grief; grieved that my pastor seemed to be under the impossible burden of the law and carrying about what sounded to me like a yoke of guilt for not being able to do the impossible. We look at God's law concur with it in our heart, we see that it is good and we want to follow it and yet we do what we do not want to do! We cannot reach the standard! Who will save me from this body of death, wretched sinner that I am? Praise be to God for Jesus! (Romans 7)

This where the Gospel comes, with all its joy and glory! It is not something for once upon a time when I heard the Romans road and said the sinner's prayer. The Gospel is vital for me today, for me tonight, for me tomorrow, for I constantly fall short and I desperately need the sweet water of grace to refresh my soul. I scorn the cross when I lose my joy trying to reach the impossible standard that He shed His blood to fulfill for me.

It cannot be but providential that I recently heard another sermon on giving that has haunted me for weeks. In his video, The Blazing Center, John Piper speaks on 2 Cor. 9:7 where Paul states "Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." God loves a cheerful giver! Amazing? As we have moved from being under the law to now being under grace, so in our lives we move from duty and compulsion or obligation to delight. What haunts me most from this sermon is the most concise, profound statement on the spiritual life I have ever heard; Piper said that it took him so long to figure out where the battle of the Christian life was. It is not with duty; will I do the right thing? Will I by will power do what is required of me? That is law and we lose the battle before we even begin. No, the battle is in the heart with delight! What makes me glad? Does it make me glad to give to the Lord? Do I enjoy saving my funds and searching out how God might have me use them for His kingdom? That is where the battle is. What makes me glad? God loves a cheerful giver for He looks glorious when we truly enjoy and delight in Him.

Truly, I have no way of knowing if I have spoken truth and encouragement, or if I understood the sermon, your own heart and the events of the church wrongly. I sincerely apologize if it is the latter.

Sincerely in the love of Christ,

Annie Crawford